A new book parenting book "that parents can actually read and understand" by Gary M. Unruh, MSW LCSW. We at LEGACY thought the concepts in this book very worth your while.

In Gary Unruh’s new book, he makes a very compelling statement about what children need from parents:
”A child’s need to feel loved is just as important as the need for food. The more deeply engrained “I’m lovable” is, the more confident your child will feel.”

It is abundantly clear from the 25,000 teens I’ve talked to in coaching sessions after my assemblies that NOT feeling loved by parents is a critical emotional vulnerability in teens. It is a deep wound that creates a constant sense of unworthiness in children that is abundant in the adolescent years due to increased emotionality in these years. And it is a number one ingredient that makes them more susceptible to drink, do drugs, have sex, join gangs and cut on themselves. NOT feeling loved by parents generates a series of unmanageable feelings in teens – hopelessness, hurt, anger, rage, self-loathing, shame, blame, bullying behaviors, victim consciousness and more.

As Gary Unruh shares in his book,
”Your child’s behavior is shaped by the events and behaviors that happen outside your child and the thoughts and beliefs that happen inside your child.”

He postulates, “Emotions and logic are the two essential human ingredients contained in a successful recipe for changing your child’s behavior. Finding the right amount of each and mixing them together in a way that works for your child will bring the best results. Remember, when you are validating your child (throughout their entire lives!), he or she is purring. Being perfect is not a requirement for living.”

And, as I can validate from thousands of conversations with teens, as Unruh says, “We’ve learned that too much talking doesn’t work --- that’s the logic or reasoning part of the mix. Doesn’t taste good to your child… Any amount of lecturing with no attention to your child’s emotions at the beginning of a problem means that a parent is using logic … it doesn’t work. Add reasoning to your child’s emotions, not the other way around.”

WHY is the reasoning approach doomed? Unruh says it loud and clear, “The higher the intensity of emotion, the lower the thinking ability to solve the problem. Reasoning simply doesn’t work when emotions are elevated…

When applied to parenting, as your child’s (teen’s) emotion increases, his or her thinking ability decreases. That’s why you simply cannot start with reasoning where there’s a lot of emotion; you must temporarily set aside your emotions and thinking and start with your child’s emotions – where the child is. Only after the emotion has decreased significantly can you start to mix reasoning with your child''s emotions – but always season with parental-love.”

In our experience working with teen, we at LEGACY recognize that teens are a bundle of changing emotions. Underneath many of their feelings is fear. We encourage parents to literally ask their teens in a non-judgmental, non-shaming tone of voice,
“What are you afraid of?” – especially when a teen is expressing anger.

A teen’s anger often comes from feeling that their life is out of control and they don’t know how to deal with a friend, relationship, problem or parent’s possible disappointment or criticism of them.

For more parenting insights, checkout
UNLEASHING THE POWER OF PARENTAL LOVE
By Gary M. Unruh, MSW LCSW
at the link below or contact garyu43@yahoo.com

and don''t forget Susie''s insights into teen choice:
52 WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR TEEN - Guiding Teens to Good Choices
www.waystoprotect.com

For more info on GARY UNRUH'S new book!

The week starts on Monday, November 8 and encourages community-based question and answer events between teens and scientists. Events can be sponsored by a variety of organizations, including schools, community groups, sports clubs, book clubs, and local hospitals.

Plan to include a LEGACY OF HOPE® awareness presentation to captivate and motivate youth and adults to absorb the scientific data that compels teens not to abuse alcohol, marijuana, prescription drugs and other substances.

A powerful combination for making a lasting impact.
“Knowledge is the most powerful tool we can provide our teens with to help them make good, healthy responsible decisions,” said ONDCP Director R. Gil Kerlikowske. “By empowering teens to think critically about drug use and its consequences, we can improve the health and safety of a generation.”

The Department of Education will encourage schools and educators all over America to hold events.

The Drug Enforcement Administration will post special scientific information on its teen site, Just Think Twice.

The above photo depicts "Julio," one of eight characters Susie portrays in LEGACY OF HOPE. It impresses on youth damaging impact of underage drinking and prescription drug abuse used to cope with life. Concepts are shared on adolescent brain development and emotional awareness, all based in current research and info from the American Psychological Association.

LEGACY OF HOPE® is an effective tool for educating youth and adults on the damage that alcohol and drug use/abuse have on the emotional, familial, self-esteem and relationships of make informed, HEALTHY CHOICES.

Contact us for 2010-2011 programming.

For more about LEGACY OF HOPE®