Welcome to December, 2006 "News of Hope" 

  

Can't you feel it? In spite of the innumerable extra tasks to be done, can you feel the Holiday Gift of Caring and Sharing creeping gently into your heart and into your thoughts? How rewarding it is to see a smile and joy on the face of your child, your loved ones, a friend or a disadvantaged family!
GIVING - in truth, nothing feels much better than unconditional, no-strings-attached giving!

So how do we capture that spirit and infuse it into our lives and our children, especially our teens, throughout the rest of the year? GIVING is what this newsletter is all about. And you may be warmed and heartened by the fact that you CAN promote and grow feelings of compassion and great gratification in your kids!

And while your at it, sponge up as many good feelings as you can for yourself this HOLIDAY SEASON! It is from feeling loved that we have an overflow of love to give to others.

Blessings all!

DECEMBER NEWSLETTER OF HOPE CONTENTS
• Growing Kids Who Care
• Tips for Successful Family Volunteering
• How and Where Your Family Can Help
• Why Your Family Should Volunteer
• A Story of Teens Who Care
• Helpful tips for all Volunteers
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RECENT EVENTS
Pictures above from left:
Pic 1: Susie with Dick Christy, coordinator of the Ogdensburg Free Academy community presentation and SUNY Potsdam Counselor Staff Development Day in upstate New York on Nov 8 & 9th. An inspired and devoted leader!
Pic 2: Counselors indulging in "inverted yoga pose" for deep relaxation during Susie's "Thrive, Don't Just Survive" Workshop.
Pic 3: Participants on a "People Search", enjoying getting to know one another's peculiarities during the workshop!
Pic 4: Campus Life group from Hammond after the evening program for parents & teens at Ogdensburg Free Academy. Awesome!
View additional past newsletters on a wide-variety of intriguing teen topics

Many parents have one goal in common when contemplating family volunteering: They want to raise caring, compassionate kids. But this is not always a given. Children’s differences in “caring behavior” are due in part to inborn temperamental differences. Some kids are simply more sociable and optimistic and less fearful than others. However, researchers have identified specific child-rearing practices that encourage the development of kind, caring behavior. Dr. Ervin Staub, professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts and author of A Brighter Future: Raising Caring and Nonviolent Children (link), suggests ways parents can encourage compassion:

Build a foundation of love and affection. From the first day, babies need responsive, predictable care from a loving caregiver. Let your kids know you understand what they’re feeling, allow them to express their opinions and emotions, share activities and praise good behavior. Children need to have their own emotional needs satisfied before they can reach out to others.

Point out the consequences of your child’s unkind behavior. Even if your child’s actions are unintentional, it’s important to explain how his or her hurtful behavior affected the injured party. (“It hurts Karen and makes her sad when you grab her doll. How would you feel if someone took your favorite toy?”) This goes beyond simply explaining that the behavior is wrong, but also providing an understanding of how the other person might be feeling. The tone in which you convey this information is important. Parents who are most effective are those who generally speak lovingly to their kids but use a serious and firm voice when describing the consequences of their child’s unkindness.

Also point out the consequences of your child’s kind behavior. Make this a part of your family’s discussions of any community service projects. For example, when you and your children make greeting cards to pass out at a veterans’ hospital, explain how receiving a card and a visit makes the patients feel cared for and assuages their loneliness. Let your children know how proud you are of any good deeds and describe just how their actions make a difference in other people’s lives.

Expand caring beyond your immediate circle. You can pass on the message of tolerance by including all types of people – of different religions, ethnic groups and lifestyles – in your circle of friends and acquaintances. And, whenever possible, have your children participate in activities that include a diverse group of kids.

Have your child practice caring. Arrange opportunities for your child to do good deeds. Reaching out to others through volunteering or other acts of kindness not only makes children mindful of other people’s needs, but also makes them aware of their own power to make a difference.

Model caring. Let your child see you reaching out to others. Hold the door for a woman pushing a stroller or allow another driver into a heavy line of traffic. Tell your children about your own volunteer work and explain why you’re taking food to a neighbor who’s ill. The more you exhibit the values of kindness and generosity, the more you’ll nourish them in your children.

--From www.volunteerfamily.org

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Tips for Successful Family Volunteering

Family volunteering is a great way to spend real quality time together, developing strong family bonds, opening channels of communication and sharing experiences that create proud family memories for years to come. Debbie Spaide, founder of FamilyCares,offers the following tips to help you get started and maximize your family's success.

Choose hands-on projects that offer children an opportunity to feel ownership in the giving process.
If Mom buys a toy and Joey drops it in the box at school, the giving ownership is mostly Mom's. But if Joey chooses the gift, wraps it and perhaps even makes a card to go with it, the giving ownership is mostly Joey's.

Ensure success by using projects that are simple and short-term.
Complicated projects that require long-term commitment often run short on enthusiasm with children. Choose projects that require skills your child is capable of managing and that can be accomplished in a short period of time.

Maximize teachable moments by following your child's charitable interests.
The most successful family projects respond to an interest on the part of the child. Listen for clues about issues that concern your child. Watch the news together and ask for his/her opinion on current events. Find easy-to-read stories on social issues such as homelessness, hunger, and aging to share during family meals.

Build self-esteem by creating caring memories to last a lifetime.
Use a scrapbook to keep photos of your caring projects, thank you notes, cute quotes from your children, and your own responses to each project. This memory book will become a wonderful source of esteem development as your child grows older.

Keel the tone fun and rewarding.
Doing charity projects should be an experience your child remembers as uplifting and fun. Tell jokes, give compliments, and laugh often as you work together to help others. Children will remember the “mood” more than the labor.

Join forces with other families who want to volunteer together.
The more the merrier! Charity projects are even more fulfilling when you work on them with your family friends. You can host a “My Family Cares” party with multiple projects for families to work on, or have a “Family Care Day: in your community.

Be a good example of caring behaviors.
Let your children see you volunteering. Talk about ways to help others with adults and in your children's presence. Avoid complaining about your volunteer work. Tell your kids how good it feels to care.

Remember caring is a process, not a product.
It is the thought that counts. Highlight your child's intentions and efforts in charity activities. Try to ignore those times when the final product is less than perfect. If necessary, you can repair the product secretly before delivering it.

Reinforce your child's compassion after each project.
Have an informal family meeting, perhaps over ice cream, to discuss the project, what you learned, what you felt, and what you will do next. Talking about the project will put words to the feelings and give the experience more power.

--From familycares.org

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Just as Little League practice or gymnastics classes help kids become better athletes, early habits of service to others can help children develop into more caring, selfless individuals. Volunteering, either individually as children, or together as a family is a rewarding way to help your community.

“Getting involved in volunteerism gives kids an opportunity to see what a difference they can make, and that’s something that soccer and ballet don’t necessarily do,” says Mary Reed Durkin, executive director of First Look, a Birmingham, Alabama organization dedicated to getting young people involved in community service. “When kids volunteer, they have an opportunity to meet others from different areas and all walks of life, and they’re able to come together, shake hands and build their community together.”

Aside from the obvious benefit of serving others, volunteering offers other advantages for your children and your family. Here are six reasons why you should consider giving it a try:

1. Volunteering broadens children’s experience. From the environment and animals to the homeless and disaster victims, there are enough opportunities available to keep volunteers learning something new with every service experience. By volunteering, your kids will not only make a difference in their community, they’ll also become more aware of the diverse individuals and needs that make up that community.

“For the kids who volunteer with us, one of the best benefits they get is the opportunity to be around people who aren’t just like them, but may be of another race or social station,” says Coach Ed Knight, executive director of Sandlot Sports, a Birmingham outreach program for inner-city children. “It’s really good for them to see the world from someone else’s point of view.”

“Giving kids opportunities to serve lets them create a bond with others in their community,” Durkin adds. “It helps level the playing field and broaden their frame of reference.”

2. Volunteering develops responsible citizens. After the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Americans’ interest in helping others and serving their communities surged. President Bush capitalized on this desire to give back by calling on all Americans to give 4,000 hours – the equivalent of two years over the course of their lives – in volunteer service to others.

“You overcome the evil in society by doing something to help somebody,” Bush has said. “It’s the momentum of a million acts of kindness.”

To help Americans fulfill his call to service, Bush also started USA Freedom Corps, an organization that helps citizens find volunteer opportunities in their communities. By getting involved in community service and volunteerism, your children can answer the president’s call to service and begin making their own contribution to the future of America.

3. Volunteering teaches children useful skills. When young people become volunteers, they’re not just helping others. They’re usually learning skills and having valuable experiences that will help them in the long run as well. Many youths’ volunteer experiences turn into job opportunities or career aspirations, Durkin says.

“A lot of kids who volunteer with BEAT learn job skills, as well as the joy of helping someone less fortunate,” says Henry Scruggs, construction coordinator of the Bethel Ensley Action Task (BEAT) project, which builds homes for low-income families.

“Some kids end up going into the trades they learned while working with us, or they want to go home and fix up their own house or paint their room. They learn skills that they can take with them through life,” Scruggs says.

4. Volunteering builds children’s self-esteem. Children who give their time and energy to a worthy cause learn that they can make a difference in the world, and that, naturally, makes them feel good.

“The best way to feel good about yourself is to help someone else,” says Ginny Slay, administrator at the Exceptional Foundation in Homewood. “Service to others really does help build your own self-esteem.”

“Our volunteers get as much out of this program as the kids we serve,” Knight, of Sandlot Sports, adds. “It builds their confidence when these young volunteers see how important they are to the kids they’re serving.”

5. Volunteering helps children develop leadership skills. Through increased confidence and a realization of their ability to make a difference, community service is often an instrument for developing young leaders. Colleges and universities see the value, as 90 percent of all colleges that require application essays also require proof of service involvement, Durkin says.

“One of our First Look volunteers just earned a full scholarship to Rhodes College strictly for her service involvement and leadership,” she says. “Youth volunteerism can translate into a passion for a cause that can develop great leaders.”

And for those leaders of tomorrow, there’s no better training than volunteerism today. “Young people will be our future leaders, so it’s important for them to know what the real problems and issues are in our communities,” Knight adds. “If there’s going to be change in the inner city, for instance, today’s young people will be the instrument of it. That’s why we love to work with young volunteers.”

6. Volunteering is a great way to spend time with family. For today’s families who rarely have time to spend together – much less, the time to add another commitment to the schedule – volunteering can actually be a solution.

Volunteering together can give your family a chance to spend time with each other, while doing something that really matters. It may also lead to opportunities to discuss as a family some of the tough issues facing your community, not to mention encouraging values of service and generosity.

“As the saying goes, ‘Actions speak louder than words,’” writes Mary Thoele in her book, Family Serve: Volunteer Opportunities for Families (2001). “Volunteering is one of the ‘loudest’ actions you, as parents, can take to show children what it truly means to be a contributing member of a community. By role-modeling this type of behavior, parents are beginning a tradition of compassion that can be passed on from one generation to the next.”

--From www.parenthood.com